Years ago I gave my last exam before leaving a university to take another position (on a different continent!). A student handed me her exam and gave me a huge, dazzling smile. I felt amazed and wondered where that came from. Part of the dazzling aspect of the smile was the result of the student looking like a movie star, specifically the actress Sarah Michelle Gellar. Hours later I recalled that I had given her a paper back a few weeks before with a note suggesting that she smile more (or at all — I had never seen her smile). I don’t recall now what I gave her as the potential benefits of smiling more, but I’ll bet I wrote something like this: By smiling, you can (1) raise the mood of people around you (because smiling indicates joy, and joy is contagious), (2) increase your chances of influencing others (useful for a psychologist in helping clients, but also useful in getting your way in ordinary life), (3) draw people to you when you want (smiles are like magnets), and (4) improve your own mood (studies show smiling, even when we are alone, makes us feel happier). Smiling can be powerful!
The amount a person smiles depends on habit, mood, models set by others, and other factors. Individuals with braces or unattractive teeth may not smile much, but they fail to understand the psychology of smiles. Not every smile dazzles, but almost every smile says, I am a friendly, happy person. It is not the beauty of the smile that gives it great power — it is the message sent.
So how can you increase the frequency of your own smiling? Set a goal of smiling a certain number of times a day, remind yourself of the goal often, record each time you smile, and see whether you achieve your daily goal. Gradually increase the goal if you consistently achieve the current daily goal. Notice the response of others when you smile. Noticing responses will help reinforce your smiling. Remember that you never have to smile — the decision is up to you. If smiling when you want is very hard for you, you may be depressed or have some other emotional problem worth working on. Or you may have a strong habit that requires persistent effort to change.
Do I ever push myself to smile? Yes, once in awhile to help someone else feel better. But mostly I smile because I find life interesting.
Do you smile enough? What would happen if you smiled more? Have you tried successfully to increase your smiling? How did you do it?
John Malouff, PhD
Assoc Prof of Psychology
I smile at school all the time even when I feel dreadful. Many students have nicknamed me Ms Smiley. It is now a daily habit for me in the workplace. I think in years gone by when I worked in offices, surrounded by negative people, I didn’t smile as much as I do now.
Although teenagers are moody creatures, they are always up for a laugh if you can trigger them with a smile (or a funny face). They certainly pick up on the staff who don’t smile.
Hi Lisa. Smiles are like yawns. If you think of someone yawning, you will often feel like yawning. If you think of someone smiling at you…
Yes, smiling is indeed contagious! ~(◠‿◠)
Let’s spread them far and wide…
Hi Susan. I agree. A friend of mine raised the matter of insincere smiles. I have seen only a few of those (that I identified). Those smiles never bothered me. The negative behavior that followed the insincere smile did bother me!
Interesting comment about insincerity, Dr. Malouff. I once had a middle school algebra teacher who smiled (and laughed) constantly. It raised my curiosity. I’ll admit that at first, I almost didn’t believe the smile was sincere, and it irritated me a bit. But once I realized the absolute sincerity of her smile and laughter, this teacher’s simple presence had a calming, happy effect on me. The message sent was that she was a joyful person. You can’t really fake true happiness – and when we sense it in others, it does indeed uplift us more than we realize.
Now I will be much more cognisant today of my smiling, thanks to the story you’ve shared 🙂
Hi Allison. I especially like smiling at individuals who look shy or depressed. I used to be shy, and in those days a big smile from someone did me a world of good. And it still does!
…and a big smile is absolutely free to give. The ultimate gift ~ great for both the giver and receiver.
I don’t fake them very often, as they come naturally to me, but when I have tried to fake it, it physically hurts and is very difficult to do for any length of time.
The sincere ones, on the hand, are easy and painfree. 🙂
D’oh, proofreading Susan! *”…on the other hand…” â—”_â—”