Is there a bright side to negative emotions?

by | Jun 28, 2011 | Uncategorized | 11 comments

I just read an article by Susan Cain in the NY Times about the advantages of being shy/introverted/socially anxious. Here are some correlates: Higher levels of knowledge, greater achievements, lower injury rates, more conscientious, higher in empathy.

During my clinical training the other students and I sometimes joked that “anxiety is my friend.” Anxiety certainly can be useful, if not overdone. All negative emotions send an important message — sometimes we grasp the message and do what is needed and sometimes we don’t. Understanding that message and what to do with it is part of emotional intelligence. For instance, realizing that I feel anxious about giving an upcoming speech might tell me that I am not adequately prepared or that I care too much about what others think of my behavior. I might then prepare more, while considering that my presentation quality has little practical importance — I might decide that I want to do well for the fun of it.

Have you found anxiety, depression, anger, etc. useful? In what way?

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Associate Professor of Psychology

11 Comments

  1. I believe anger can be quite a constructive emotion and a great motivator. For example, I used to feel angry when an ex-partner habitually put me down and belittled my efforts to achieve my goal. Although I will admit that my anger ‘sometimes’ got the better of me (less said the better!), I quickly learned to use it in a constructive manner. Reflecting on my angry feelings alerted me to the fact that I had a serious relationship problem (those constant put downs made me feel depressed). Feeling angry, instead of depressed, allowed me to ‘prove him wrong’, to continue with my plans and eventually move on from an unsatisfying relationship. Although anger can be very destructive I believe if it is managed or channelled properly it can be used as a motivating force in our lives.

  2. Hello K. Your comment reminds me of when I was afraid of public speaking. I tried to get out of speeches in high school and in university. I had just about completed a required public speaking unit in university when I became ill and missed my last speech. Soon after I told the teacher that I had enough points to pass the pass-fail unit, but he responded that I had to give the last speech and that I could give it to another public speaking class that has not finished yet. I felt angry about the injustice being done me when I went into that class of strangers. My anger replaced the usual anxiety, and I have never tried to avoid a speech since then. My public-speaking anxiety sank so low that I became a teacher myself. I concluded that anger can be helpful when it pushes out irrational anxiety.

  3. Kimberley, your comments have made me think of whether i am angry or have been angry. I have always thought that i was sad and anxious with the growing up with a violent alcoholic dad, a mum who committed suicide, divorcing a controlling violent man and all the blah blah, blah anyway maybe i got mad when i decided that i wanted to break the cycle. I didnt want to be the girl from the house with holes in the wall, the disfunctional family, yes maybe those words, disfunctional family, single family or broken family, mental illness, always i would hear those words. Maybe i did get mad with those words and then wanted to prove to myself that i could have an education and go to Uni and be someone, someone normal. Uni was wonderful for my confidence and seemed to melt away those negative words. I still shudder when i hear people say those words or when i hear people put people down and not give them a chance. I suppose i do have a lot of empathy for people with mental illness and with drinking problems or who cant seem to get their family life right although i dont have much empathy for murderers or rapists which confuses me with this study.

  4. Kimberley you are an amazing person and its wonderful that you are doing what you want to and achieving so much. I admire women like you. 🙂

  5. Hi John & Joanne,

    It sounds as if we have all successfully utilized our negative emotions to transform a difficult, or painful, situation into something positive. Joanne – you show an amazing strength of character — my hat goes off to you.

    How we respond to our negative emotions seems to be the key. If we view them as an opportunity to reflect on ourselves or the situation then they can be used to develop our courage and compassion (e.g. John overcoming his fear of public speaking and Joanne’s empathy for others). If we respond in destructive ways we let the situation get the better of us.

    It seems to me that it is by challenging and overcoming difficult circumstances that allow us to grow as human beings. Perhaps there is positive potential in all negative experiences. Maybe our negative emotions can serve as a starting point leading to a deeper experience of happiness.

  6. Dear Kimberley and John,
    Thank you Kimberley. I guess the best part of when you come through a difficult or painful situation is the feeling of surviving. Then finding a way to use that situation to learn and grow and be the best person you can. 🙂 I have all my special memories from the past put away in a beautiful drawer that is kept in my heart, lately studying psychology is opening my special drawer but if sharing some of my past memories is helpful to anyone then i am only to happy to share. My theory is that there is always someone much worst off and….. to learn is to grow. 🙂 ps i became a Celebrant to overcome the anxiety of social shyness. I use to pretend that i was reading a beautiful story to my children, i no longer need to use that tool, its quite natural and very enjoyable to perform that service. 🙂

  7. Dear John,
    I would never have guessed that you ever had a problem speaking in public after listening to your wonderful lecture. Someone mentioned your infectious laugh and i agree. You make learning fun! I must work out how to get the podcast thing working when uni is back as listening works well for me with learning.

  8. I was told by an insightful psychologist that our emotions will always be felt. Its what we do with them is the important aspect, as our behaviour is what we can control. So, using anger to achieve a positive outcome can be very constructive. I have the upmost respect for you too Joanne and Kimberley for learning from your experiences and turning your life around and breaking the cycle. Good for you as I know it would have been very hard to do.
    Caterina

  9. Thank you Caterina, its very nice for you to say. I have been trying hard to work out how to delete my comments as now i feel a little embarrassed. Its true what you say, our feelings and emotions are always with us and not such a bad thing. I had to change my way of thinking and my behaviour, i had to learn to become more assertive and less timid and shy. That was very hard work but now i am there, its hard to believe it was any other way. i now think if something isnt working then change the behaviour and you will have a different outcome. “Change your attitude and your world changes around you”! 🙂

  10. Thank you John, what a wonderful topic of discussion, great ‘food for thought’! That negative emotions, if not excessive, can be a friend and importantly a great teacher. The idea that different personality types correlate with certain variables seems also to be an underlying focus of Enneagram practitioners, both Sufi and Christian. So what about what we perceive as positive traits, can they also have a negative affect? Richard Rohr talks about the altruistic type (who is usually seen positively) who lives to help others, has many great gifts, does many great things and often has a well-defined sense of responsibility but when no one’s around for them to help, or their help is rejected, they can become morbid or bitter as they experience themselves in reaction to the feelings of others or others’ behavioural modes. They can’t stay by themselves and they carry out activities to get others’ attention or devotion. They’re ruled by what others think about them and may often think they know what’s good for others more than others do themselves. They see life as a task to master leading to non-stop activism, are concerned with image and prestige (although they may not be aware of it). Isn’t this similar to the two sides of anxiety (often looked at negatively) but as you stated John, you used it in a positive way and it’s only harmful in excess? Doesn’t this point to self-awareness of our motivations (fear and pleasure) playing a huge role in either transforming ourselves for the better or falling down the slippery slope of unhappiness? Isn’t it about balance? Wasn’t Gautama’s path, the middle path? Rohr talks about humans having the innate capacity of inner observation regardless of intelligence, education, culture or religion and with insightful understanding our negatives can be transformed into our gifts seems to me to be what you are saying as pivotal in pursuit of personal happiness. Didn’t Meister Eckhart say something like the demons that are torturing you can really be angels freeing you depending on your point of view? (My poetical paraphrase, sorry couldn’t help myself)

  11. Hi Steve. Good point! I agree that supposedly positive personality traits can sometime have negative effects. That can occur when the person overdoes the traits (e.g., is too agreeable and doesn’t assert himself to get what is fair) or when the situation calls for different actions (the best response of an agreeable person to being physically attacked may be to counterattack aggressively). Situations often determine which personality traits will be successful in application.

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