When I was a boy, my older brothers called me Babe. The names they and their high school pals had for each other and their pals were more negative — these included Lard and The Nose. When I reached high school a friend started calling me Snowgoose (for no specific reason). The name stuck, and all the star athletes in the school, who were older than me, started saying hello to me just so they could say my nickname. A nickname made me popular! One boy I knew was tagged with the nickname “Grandma.” Many years later he told me that the nickname damaged his self-esteem. That seems obvious to me now as a psychologist (labels can be important!), but it never occurred to me at the time. In recent years I have handed out some positive nicknames, e.g., Magic and Star. I even gave myself a nickname, JJ (for Jaunty John).
What nicknames have you had? What effects did they have? Have you given someone a positive nickname?
John Malouff, PhD, JD, Associate Professor of Professor
My nickname as a child (and through to adulthood) was “stinky” – which my parents apparently thought was cute. I remember longing for my Dad, in particular, to call me possum, beautiful, princess or some other “sweet” name that all my friends’ fathers called them. It hurt a great deal, especially when used publicly, and took me until I was in my mid 20s to confront him and let me know I didn’t appreciate it and would not tolerate it anymore.
It has made me very aware of what nicknames I call my step kids. I always call my step daughter “little princess” or some other affectionate. feminine name, and my step son “my prince” or “handsome.” I love seeing them glow with happiness and pride each time I say it.
However, I do have to add, that my step son (age 10) has let me know that he would rather I call him “Squid Nuts”. I’m not sure where it came from, but for some reason he thinks it is really cool!
Lol at squid nuts! My little guy got lumped with “Squish”, or “Squishy”. He’s only 3, but I do hope he’ll love it (and know how much he is loved) when he is older.
I often show my Behaviour Modification students the film “What about Bob?” The movie has a scene where Bill Murray and a boy call each other names like Squid Nuts, as if they have Tourette’s Syndrome and can’t help themselves.
I must say that my niece was nicknamed by my brother as ‘puddles’ as when she was little she would sometime would not make it to the bathroom! Also, my little nephew who is incredibly bright and had an amazing imagination would call me “mystical, magical, moon mummy”. Why I have no idea but it was eventually shortened to ‘moon mummy’. He is 22 now and still sometimes calls me that. I dont really mind as it is quite unique 🙂
With a surname like mine, nicknames were many and varied. Gauky and Gauks were the main ones and Gauky76 or Gauky_1976 were used as two cousins and I were in the same class at school. I still use Gauky_1976 as my nickname for the internet and email addresses along with my name and number on my indoor and outdoor cricket shirts.
My family nickname was Mouse due to a speech delay and not speaking until I was nearly 2 years old. Other family nicknames include Megs (which was also my Paternal Grandmother’s nickname), Meegs which is one I actually hate but my brother still uses (probably because he knows I hate it!! 😉 ) and Mighty Megs. I also use Cricket as my Scout Leader nickname due to my great love of the sport.
My nickname was jo-love and i loved it. It made me feel all warm and a sense of belonging. I was my family’s Jo-Love. When i was older i lived with guardians and i got a ring worm and then my nick name was wormie and i hated it. I felt dirty and unloved. I wanted to go home, back to Jo-Love. In recent years everyone uses my proper name but all of a sudden i get Jo as my nephew lived with me for awhile and i guess he started it and it has stuck and it makes me smile as it feels special. I still get the old Jo- Love accassionally and i still get the tingle and warmth from it. Oh yes i brought myself as a reward after i went through a trying time, a cat, i have had lots of cats but always strays that turn up and i decided to buy a real pretty pedigree. I was covered in ring worm, over 40 lesions, not a good look for a Beauty Therapist, anyway i was a mess and ended up in hospital with an anxiety attack. I wonder now if that had something to do with the old nick name wormie? P.s i still have my beautiful cat, ring worm free and i answer to lots of nick names and all good. 🙂
I like the nickname “Jo-Love.” Words can be powerful, and names can help or hurt.
Thank you John, I love Jo- Love and i have a girlfriend that calls me that quite often as i told her it was my mum’s pet name for me. I actually thought it was my name in the early years. Anyway i am blessed to have a cute nick name and such wonderful friends and family and truly blessed to have the opportunity to grow and learn through people like yourself and uni. 🙂
When I was a child, my father called me ‘China’ because I was precious to him like a china plate or other piece of china. I am in my mid 30s and he still calls by this nickname. My mother calls me ‘Pooh’ because I loved Winnie the Pooh when I was little. She also still calls me by this odd-sounding (to outsiders) nickname! I still call my siblings and cousins by their chilldhood nicknames. It offers a comfort of sorts that you have history or a bond through a nickname that is unique to those persons.
Hi RL. Calling a person by his nickname tends to give us a sense of closeness to the person. Do these specific nicknames have any psychological impact on you?
Hello John,
Psychological impact? Perhaps these names keep me in, or take me back to a certain place in my childhood. However I know my parents would not use these nicknames when upset with me about something. Therefore, I would say that they have an endearing or affectionate quality. I know my parents are being loving when they use my nickname (As my mother suffers from mental illness, I would say that it is a sign for me that she is in a good place mentally at that moment). It is with similar sentiment that I would call my siblings or cousins by their nicknames.
I feel that the lack of a nickname can have an even greater affect than a bad nickname. At the age of 64, I am increasingly aware of the fact that I have never had a nickname my entire life, which I feel reflects that no one has ever cared enough about me to give me one. I sometimes thought it was because there was no way to shorten my name but others with the same name have nicknames, so that is not it. It really hurts.
Hi there. I understand your point of view — I had never thought of that before. It could be tho that the people you have known just aren’t nickname-giving people (they may be too proper to give a person a nickname). You could ask someone close to give you a nickname. A few years ago, I created one for myself: JJ, for Jaunty John. I sign my emails JJ when writing to some people I know well.
I think a good nickname for you would be CC, short for Christmas Carol. Best of wishes, CC.
when i was a little girl my sisters and brothers called me ” owl” because my eyes are big like an owl .. fist i was angry and i hate this nickname but then i think that it could be as a compliment because still the big eyes are more beautiful than the small one *_*
Hi Meme. My first nickname was Babe. I was indeed the youngest in the family, and Babe was the nickname of a great baseball player, so I never disliked the name.
My name’s Caitlin and even though my name could easily be shortened to Cait or Caity, growing up, I was never called anything other than Caitlin. (I later learnt that my father wouldn’t allow my family to refer to me or my siblings by anything other than our given name.) This didn’t really affect me until late primary school when it seemed that everyone but me had a nickname. Most of the students were given nicknames by their friends, but because I didn’t have any close friends, I was just called Caitlin. During Year 6, after noticing this pattern, I started to associate nicknames with affection and believed that because I wasn’t given a nickname, that no one felt particularly affectionate towards me.
When I started high school, I told my mum that I would like to be called “Caity”. In order to condition her to call me this, whenever she asked “Caitlin” to do a chore, I would wait at least a couple of minutes before performing the requested task. However, whenever she asked “Caity” to do a chore, I would perform it immediately. This arrangement was mutually beneficial for us (when mum performed the behaviour of calling me Caity, her behaviour was reinforced by my immediate compliance, which made her call me Caity more; I wanted her to call me Caity and she wanted my immediate compliance, so both of us won). Nowadays (I have now moved out and am studying at uni), my mum calls me Caity occasionally, even when she doesn’t want anything from me, and I generally comply immediately with her requests, even when she doesn’t call me Caity.
I still associate nicknames with affection, though, and I generally call my close friends and family members by a nickname. My close friends and family also generally call me by a nickname as well. If I ever have kids, I think I’d give them nicknames and call them almost exclusively by that name (e.g., Emily would become Emmy). I assume, however, that if I do this, they will probably hate it and want me to refer to them by their given name!
Hi Caity. My mother used to call me Johnny, but now no one does (maybe you will!). I like your application of behaviour modification principles with your mother. It reminds me of when parents are giving something to a child but do not let go until the child says “thank you.”
In high school I also used nicknames for my pals: Gumby, Slick, and so on. When I had children, I nicknamed them Huckleberry and Blueberry. Over the years their family nicknames changed to Honey and Blue Boy.
Some of my nicknames include Sheldon, IQ, Numbers, and Illuminati-Plant Man. (The last one is a long story)
Hi Z. Which of the nicknames do you like?
I’m currently having the nastiest dispute with my husbands family over a derogatory nickname that he admitted as an adult bothered him. Many in the family out rightly refuse to call him by his preferred name. It was exclusively used by family though never his parents. Heavy Kevy. My son (now two) looks remarkably like his father and the family has used the name with my son who’s name also starts with a K. I have repeatedly asked them to stop, most have to the point of apologizing. But one Aunt has continued. In an effort to stand my ground in defense of my husband and child I’ve pointed out how much a derogatory nickname can cause irrevocable physiological damage be over a life time regarding body image and self esteme(my husband has always been a big person, he 6’4″ and built like a line backer) I’ve insisted they are hurting him and have been hurting him since childhood, though like jfrances above, he never said anything until recently (he’s now 30) I made the mistake of saying “I will not allow you (Aunt Knowitall) to abuse my son the way my husbands parents allowed the abuse of their son” That got blown sky high implying I thought my inlaws were terrible parents which was NOT the case at ALL. They are the most amazing people I’ve ever known. They never called him that but they also didn’t stop the family. It was shortened to HK in his adolescents but it still hurt because he knew what it stood for but the rest of the family didn’t see a problem and still don’t. Its so sad that they can’t respect him as an adult and just call him by his given name or even just Kevy.
Hi Ryle. You are acting like a lion in defense of your husband. If he politely but firmly tells all the family members what he wants and why, the problem might end.
I was a very young parent. 17. my son born underweight was a “preme”. as he grew, he loved whiney the pooh…..I use to sing the song often to him…and sometimes substitute the word whiney for doogle..instead of whiney the pooh, it would be doogle E do…the name stuck..doogle!hence my sons nickname..he is now 40…and friends and colleges know him as doogle.. his wife however refuses to use the term. lol
Hi Ludpatti. The nickname makes me think of Ned Flanders on The Simpsons.
My question is effectively the opposite of the others I’ve read here. Instead of nicknames, I have known a few people who have insisted upon calling people by their full given names – e.g. Edward instead of Ed, Jeffrey instead of Jeff, and Debra instead of Debi. Despite having been introduced to each person with their nickname, they could not be dissuaded from using their full given names. I’d like to understand the psychology behind that particular behavior, as it strikes me as both odd and pretentious, even though the people themselves are very nice.
Hi. The best way to understand the behavior might be to ask the individuals what leads them to use the other person’s formal first name rather than x (the other person’s preferred version of the name). Possible reasons might include (1) having little or no awareness of the other person’s preference, (2) having the attitude that using the less formal version of the name would be overly familiar (and possibly show disrespect), (3) personally preferring the formal version of the name, and (4) wanting to annoy the other person. Have I missed a possibility?
As a child I was given the nickname, “the smart one.” It hurt more than I can say. It hurt worse than any other nickname that was a modifier on my given name. It took away my identity as a complex individual and shoved me into the box of “smart.” I was not allowed to be anything else.
That’s the reason I insisted on calling people by their given names. I believed that your given name is who you are, your nickname is who others think you are. I understand now that calling someone by their preferred nickname is just as important because their nickname is who they think identify as.
Only my aunts and a few cousins can get away with nicknames because they are terms of affection not chains of a forced identity.
I love nicknames… kind, celebratory ones, anyway. They’re like a totem of belonging into whichever of your tribes is claiming you by bestowing and using it. I’ve given out countless ones, and they’ve stuck. I have a knack for it.
But I’m in the same boat as Carol above; I’ve never been given one. And while it’s not like I’m going through life in misery because of that, when I stop to think about it… it rrreeeeeaaallllllyyy hurts. A lot.
But I can’t simply make one up myself or be like “please guys give me a cool nickname,” because then it’s not real, it’s just something that comes from the quality of my being. It’s just an indulgence for which I begged. But I do find I’m starting to resent some of my bros whose monikers I gave them have spread outside our circle. Like, I kinda wish I could take them back. LOL Which is petty and mean, but I can’t stand that apparently nothing about me inspires one.
I dub you Nick.
Nicknames can help or hurt.
I got the nickname Blinky early on (for no apparent reason actually – I didn’t blink a lot as a child), and I used that name all the time, including on school coursework, as it was much shorter and easier to say than my given name of Garvonderloosh.
After going by the nickname for my entire childhood, including accomplishing everything in school by that name, having to use my real name for work purposes has been surreal. I’m not even sure who that is most of the time, even though somewhere in the back of my head I knew it was my real name.
Besides being a long name to go by, it gives me a totally different sense of self. Growing up, I would just say “oh, Blinky is just a nickname”, and it was kind of accepted after initial questioning. No one really made fun of it after getting to know me. Now some people at work do know that nickname as I told them, which is fine, but when others hear it, they question it a lot and one person said “I can’t believe they call you that” when visiting me from another Department in front of everyone, even though my co-workers didn’t care as they got to know me by the nickname as well. That made me feel really strange and question myself.
But beyond that comment and others initially, I guess that’s all that matters in the end, no matter what you’re called, is what people really see you for as a person beyond any sort of name.
Now my biggest problem in getting used to my real name for work is having a dual identity. Somedays I would just like to go by my nickname in front of everyone in every meeting, and even sign official paperwork by it, but I guess I have to be more formal for work. It’s tough going by a different name (my legal name) after just sticking to the nickname for everything growing up. Asides from the 2 names being totally different, Blinky is more English and makes me feel more American that the Dutch name, and I was born in America, so going back to a Dutch name is different… maybe it makes me feel more foreign.
Nicknames can be powerful. Did you ever think of legally changing your surname to Blinky or to a short form of your actual surname?
My uncle, the largest positive male influence during my formative years never called children by typical childhood nicknames like sweetie, princess, bud, kiddo. Instead, he always called us heroes and tigers. All of us, my cousins and siblings are independent, strong-willed, determined individuals, some of us in spite of our parents. There is something to be said for excellent nicknames in childhood.
I agree.