Individuals who go through the breakup of a romantic relationship often suffer a great deal. They may ruminate about what went wrong, feel hurt, angry, anxious, and sad at the same time, start drinking heavily, resume smoking, isolate themselves from others, and cease trying to have fun. to others they may seem like sad sacks or grouches. What is the way out of this downward spiral of the spirit?
Psychological theories and research findings suggest that several coping methods can help:
1. Call on social support from friends and family.
2. Keep the breakup in perspective of what is going good in life (that we usually take for granted).
3. Keep the breakup in perspective with regard to times before and after the breakup — soon the present becomes the past.
4. Keep in mind that relationship success takes practice and that there may be much of value to learn from a failed relationship, beginning to end.
5. Think of positive aspects of the breakup.
6. Talk or write about your emotions — label the emotions (e.g., sad, angry) — try to identify what has led to the emotions and what message the emotions are sending you, that is, what lesson there is to learn.
7. Go on with life, especially the fun parts and the powerful parts, e.g., helping others.
8. Consider yourself a work in progress, with every day a new opportunity to experience, to accomplish, and to love.
Who has other good ideas on the subject?
John Malouff, PhD, JD
Associate Professor of Psychology
Hey John!
I think that these are all great coping methods, I believe that all 8 of these are required to cope. In particular your family and friends are crucial tools to recovery! I also think that the old saying of ‘time heals’ is seemingly important here too. I think that once you find yourself another romantic relationship just as good or if your lucky even better you eventually get over it. It sounds very dramatic however I feel that friends, family, time, and a new romantic relationship helped me. Everybody is different, they just have to discover what helps them to cope in their situation?
Renee
Hi Renee. I agree that time tends to heal. A good scientific question is: How does it heal? First, it creates a chance to fill the void with another relationship. Second, it allows a person to habituate and adjust to the new situation, perhaps discovering unexpected advantages to balance somewhat the unfortunate parts of the breakup.
Hi John
Just catching up on some interesting reading. Cant help myself, i have to add something.
I agree with the above have a couple more
1 give your self a time limit to feel sad, rejected, lonely and then party.
2 be grateful for the time you did have in the relationship, what it add to your life. That may just be a few great memories, or a child or just a the maturity to live a break up.
casey
Hi there. I agree that it is usually helpful to look at the positive side when things go wrong in a relationship — looking at both positive and negative gives the most realistic perspective. I like the idea of setting a target time limit on various aspects of adjusting to a break-up. Goal-setting is a good psychological strategy.
John