Ten years ago I went with my three brothers to a Mexican restaurant in a small town near where we had lived as children. I ordered a tostada, a stiff, toasted tortilla with beans, cheese, and other ingredients on top. I added hot sauce, and the tostada looked delicious. I lifted it to take a bite, and all the toppings slid down the tortilla onto my lap.

I shook my head in dismay. My brothers laughed their heads off. One pointed out that I had experienced a similar topping slide 20 years ago in the same restaurant.  

I told my brothers: “I never learn.”

I had a similar pair of experiences with regard to over-drinking. When I was 17, I drank heavily at a going-away party for a friend of mine, puked, and passed out. Five years later I drank heavily as part of a law school team golf tournament in which low scores on holes earned points but so did each can of beer consumed. I played the best golf of my life for a few holes, until the beer drinking caught up with me. Then I puked and passed out. Conclusion: I never learn.

I am not the only one to operate in the never-learn realm of life. A friend of mine told me that when she started university, she put off starting on school assignments until the last moment, experienced great stress, and swore she would never procrastinate again. She repeated that process through all of her university education.

Another friend of mine told me that she had traded alcohol dependence, which was killing her, for opiate dependence. Somehow she was not getting the big message.

One of my students long ago told me that she had married five consecutive alcoholic men. She added that the relationships did not work out. I could not think of what to say to her. The best I could do was: “Wow.”

Failing to learn is not just part of human life. Someone I know told me that her cat has tried many times, always unsuccessfully, to climb into one of her work boots.

Most of us do eventually learn. Take me for an example. I no longer attempt to eat tostadas. About alcohol: I have been puke-free since ’83.

We can learn from experience, if we pay attention.

What have you not learned yet from your experiences in life?