A recent survey of Americans asked which words they find most annoying. Can you guess any of the top three words?
I couldn’t. I would guess various curse words and insulting terms, but I would be wrong — I suspect those weren’t options in the survey. The top three found: (3) you know (as in “he, you know, didn’t want to do that, (2) like (as in “like, I could hardly stand up”), and (1) whatever (as in “you want me to do this and that — whatever”).
“Like” and “you know” are filler words that individuals utter to fill momentary gaps in their speech. Their use tends to occur due to modeling by others, anxiety while speaking, habit, and lack of awareness of alternatives. We dislike those words because they are pointless and boring and waste our time. See my earlier blog entry on how to eliminate filler words and sounds at https://blog.une.edu.au/usingpsychology/2012/06/05/time-to-eliminate-filler-sounds/.
“Whatever” is more disturbing to us because it is used in a dismissive way. It means: I don’t agree with you, I don’t want to discuss it, and you have no chance of changing my mind. The word seems like a good title for a poem or a rock band. A poem is easier to create than a rock band — who will write a “whatever” poem for a comment to this posting?
I am happy to report that I don’t use any of the most annoying words. My most annoying sounds, according to my son, are whistles of disapproval. I have cut back on those recently.
What words do you find most annoying? Which annoying words do you use?
For more information about annoying words, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/19/most-annoying-word-_n_4474607.html.
John Malouff, PhD, JD, Assoc Prof of Psychology
Hi JM,
A friend of mine recently met someone she is romantically interested in. During a conversation with her he expressed his dislike of filler words. Not unkindly, he pointed out her frequent use of the words “you know”. His amusing response to her “you know(s)” was “no I don’t know, but I would like you to tell me”. That and this post led me to wonder what the use of such words mean and why she used those words. I came up with several reasons, along with habit and anxiety including:
1. An articulated pause.
2. A response signal or an attempt to involve the other person in the conversation.
3. An attempt to make the conversation more personal.
4. Not enough confidence in what she is saying.
5. Not giving enough thought to what is being said and rushing the conversation.
6. A way of ensuring the person being spoken to is listening.
7. A way of ensuring the person understands her.
8. To keep the conversation flowing.
9. She is afraid of silences.
In an attempt to help her break this habit, which I suspect is due to her nervousness at conversing with someone new, I advised her to stop rushing the conversation.
However,I will contend that these apparently annoying filler words are not all bad and might sometimes serve a useful purpose. Any attempt to engage another person who you find attractive or appealing is an attempt to become closer and perhaps the relationship could develop further. Fillers might be boring, but, you know, maybe not completely pointless.
This might be a good place to insert the word “Whatever”! However, unlike a filler word I would never defend its use. It conveys indifference to another’s point of view or situation and demonstrates a lack of respect, caring, compassion, feeling, interest and involvement. It also denotes detachment, carelessness, callousness, insensitivity, aloofness, nonchalance, and finally coldness! Whoever said “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me”!
Thankfully I don’t use the word “whatever”, but I have caught myself using fillers,e.g., “ok”, “you know” and “actually”, and I might just consider trying to eliminate those.
Hi K. K., by the way, is the name of a character in the Kofka book “The Castle.” I like your comment about confidence. Confidence in a conversation allows us to tolerate silence, to not worry about being misunderstood or disliked or about whether the conversation will continue. Mindful acceptance (living in the moment without judgment or goal pursuit) has these same advantages as confidence.
I just thought of another example of annoying filler sounds: Professional women tennis players from some countries (notably Russia) shriek every time they hit the ball. Those repeated shrieks are learned behavior similar to the use of “like” in every sentence by some girls.
Hi John and Kimberley,
I’m afraid that I’m guilty of using all three of these ‘most annoying words’! Upon reading this article I tried to figure out why I use these annoying words so frequently. Anxiety and habit are definitely the cause- especially for the use of ‘you know’. Although, Kimberley I think you’ve offered some very good reasons why your friend used those words. I can certainly relate to those possibilities. Lack of confidence would definitely be one main reason, in addition to rushing the conversation and needing time for my brain to catch-up with what I’ve said. I tend to lose my thoughts so quickly (especially after having given birth 6 months ago) that I feel I have to quickly verbalise them in conversation otherwise I will forget what I was about to say! And so the conversation is rushed and I need a second to catch my thoughts again, hence uttering “you know?”..
“Like”, however, there is no excuse for (although I’m sure its origin is from pop culture from the 90’s- a.k.a 1995 “Clueless”.
“Whatever” is indeed a form of dismissal of what another person is saying/feeling/thinking. I must admit, I use this with my husband al the time, typically when I have explained my point of view and he still disagrees with me.
I’m glad I read this article, it’s been a good check for myself and I’ll remind myself to cut down on using these words!
Hi Julia. Let us know what works best for you in eliminating these words.
I thought that Russian tennis players made that little shriek sound when they hit the ball to cover that contact sound . Sound is an important cue to spin and deflection, as well as how quickly the ball will return. Covering the sound gives some advantage…it is a form of cheating really…not just a filler.
That’s an interesting analysis.