The basic idea of communism is that those who have give to those who need. In national economies, communism doesn’t work well because many individuals loaf and because so far it has usually been associated with totalitarian government. In a romantic relationship though, communism (sometimes called communal behavior) works very well, according to research findings. Couples who freely give each other time, effort, money, and so on tend to have the highest relationship satisfaction. Partners who barter help with each other don’t do so well together. They are operating more like capitalists than communists. For countries, capitalism is highly effective in producing wealth, but it is not friendly, not warm, not giving.
Is your romantic relationship more communist or more capitalist? Do you see a connection to relationship satisfaction?
John Malouff, PhD, Associate Professor of Psychology
I am scratching my head trying to imagine a capitalist style relationship between adults. Do they exist? I’ve seen my kids barter: “Hey, if you make my bed, I’ll beg for dessert tonight. Daddy always gives in when I ask”! But, I can’t imagine trading something with my partner, eg “If you hang out the washing, I’ll take you to dinner.” Do couples really behave like that? Am I being a little naive?
Hi Jade. Most couples bargain somewhat; some couples bargain a lot. Prenuptial agreements are bargains. So are divorce settlements. And there are many smaller bargains in relationships — you dump the trash, I wash the dishes. It is not clear from study results whether bargaining leads to poor romantic relationships or poor romantic relationships lead to bargaining. Perhaps a bit of both. If both partners give freely what they can, they may keep the relationship operating smoothly. Giving freely, day after day, is of course easier said than done.
Hmmm… that’s a bit confronting. In these smaller terms, it would seem that I bargain a lot. I will do the trash, but I prefer not to (and so rarely do it). I have never done the lawns, the bins or the gardening. I prefer ‘indoor’ tasks such as ironing, washing, cleaning,cooking, etc. But, the shameful thing I’ve now come to realise is that my partner does it all! Maybe I’m a capitalist involved with a communist. Any theories on how they turn out?? 😉
Hi Jade. A little bargaining (or a bit of quid pro quo) can work out fine in a romantic relationship. You seem to have found the perfect partner — I would not call you a capitalist, I would call you lucky!
I find this idea very interesting, to look at relationships this way is new to me, but I can see your point as I look back on other peoples relationships that I know and how they function from the way they act towards eachother. I could see how behaving in a “capitalist” manner with your partner and bartering for things such as money, time spent with one and another, house hold duties etc could cause a hostile environment as it could quite easily turn into a blame game where a tally system could be drawn up between the couple as they point out who has done more or gives more, which would increase the level of hostility. In a relationship where giving is free, wouldn’t each partner feel secure and cared for and more likely to reciprocate what they receive?
Hi there. One of the powerful aspects of psychology is that it offers new ways of looking at human behavior. Communism combined with love and trust can move mountains. Communism as an economic system tends to fail b/c the people of the nation have insufficient love for the large group and do not trust the group. Also, loafing is much easier to hide in a large group than in a couple.
Everyone gives as everything they have is the only way any romantic relationship can work . I’ve never thought of my relationship in these kinds of terms before now. I’m not sure if “everyone gives all they have “ is really a communist way of doing it . Since we know that in world politics it does not work.