Years ago I gave my last exam before leaving a university to take another position (on a different continent!). A student handed me her exam and gave me a huge, dazzling smile. I felt amazed and wondered where that came from. Part of the dazzling aspect of the smile was the result of the student looking like a movie star, specifically the actress Sarah Michelle Gellar. Hours later I recalled that I had given her a paper back a few weeks before with a note suggesting that she smile more (or at all — I had never seen her smile). I don’t recall now what I gave her as the potential benefits of smiling more, but I’ll bet I wrote something like this: By smiling, you can (1) raise the mood of people around you (because smiling indicates joy, and joy is contagious), (2) increase your chances of influencing others (useful for a psychologist in helping clients, but also useful in getting your way in ordinary life), (3) draw people to you when you want (smiles are like magnets), and (4) improve your own mood (studies show smiling, even when we are alone, makes us feel happier). Smiling can be powerful!

The amount a person smiles depends on habit, mood, models set by others, and other factors. Individuals with braces or unattractive teeth may not smile much, but they fail to understand the psychology of smiles. Not every smile dazzles, but almost every smile says, I am a friendly, happy person. It is not the beauty of the smile that gives it great power — it is the message sent.

So how can you increase the frequency of your own smiling? Set a goal of smiling a certain number of times a day, remind yourself of the goal often, record each time you smile, and see whether you achieve your daily goal. Gradually increase the goal if you consistently achieve the current daily goal. Notice the response of others when you smile. Noticing responses will help reinforce your smiling. Remember that you never have to smile — the decision is up to you. If smiling when you want is very hard for you, you may be depressed or have some other emotional problem worth working on. Or you may have a strong habit that requires persistent effort to change.

Do I ever push myself to smile? Yes, once in awhile to help someone else feel better. But mostly I smile because I find life interesting.

Do you smile enough? What would happen if you smiled more? Have you tried successfully to increase your smiling? How did you do it?

John Malouff, PhD
Assoc Prof of Psychology

To tell which countries have the most generous people, charities created the World Giving Index, which combines responses to samples of people about whether they gave money to a charity, did some free work for a community organization, or helped a stranger in the past month. Which country is tops?

Australia — where I live. Followed by New Zealand, Ireland, Canada, Switzerland, the U.S., Netherlands, and the UK. All countries with pretty happy people. You can see the giving and happiness rates of many countries at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Giving_Index.

Is it a coincidence that generous people are happy people? Does happiness lead to giving? Does giving lead to happiness? These are questions for sociologists and psychologists. At the level of individuals, there is evidence showing effects in both directions. The same is likely true at the country level.

Living in a generous, happy country is probably good for a person due to the potential for positive interactions with others and to the impact of seeing positive models.

So, have you helped a stranger lately? Give money to a charity? Contributed your time to a community organization?

This past month I helped a student find a room she was seeking. I provide free guidance to volunteers at Lifeline, a charitable organization. I have not donated any money to charity in the past month though. I may be about average for Australia. I can do better. Maybe you can too.

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Professor of Psychology

Are you interested in spicing up your romantic relationship? A student and I just published a journal article relating to how to do that . The article* showed that a simple couples intervention increased relationship excitement, satisfaction, and mood, with effects lasting at least four months. I will put below the instructions, written primarily by K. Coulter, that led to the positive effects:

“Instructions for Increasing Relationship Excitement

Compile a List of Exciting Activities: Together with your partner, please compile a list of 10 potentially exciting or challenging activities. Challenge adds interest and creates the potential for more excitement. It is important to ensure that the chosen activities are realistic and manageable taking into consideration issues of cost and time. See below for ideas on how to enhance the excitement in your relationship.

Draw up a Plan: When you have jointly chosen an activity, write down the details, setting aside a particular time and place. Both of you sign the Plan. Try putting the Plan on the fridge where you can see it. Do at least one of the activities every week. Generating excitement takes a bit of time.

Activities to Enhance the Excitement in Your Relationship

To help you plan your activities it may be helpful to keep in mind the following words: Novel; Arousing; Adventurous; Exciting; Interesting; Passionate; Playful; Romantic; Sexual and Spontaneous. Here are some examples of activities successfully undertaken by couples to enhance their relationship excitement:

 Explore new activities together: Find activities you both like, anything from dancing to playing tennis to horse-riding.

 Be Adventurous: Try sky diving, canoeing or rock-climbing! Alternatively, visit an adventure park or plan a weekend away, somewhere neither of you have been to before.

 Be Spontaneous: Surprise your partner and be unpredictable now and again. Unexpectedly, pick-up your partner from work and take him or her out to their favourite restaurant or to a movie he or she has expressed interest in seeing.

 Be Playful: Do you remember the times when you and your partner used to enjoy just hanging out and playing together? Find an activity that the two of you can enjoy. You could try exploring, ice-skating, or dancing.

 Be Passionate: Spend one solid hour exploring various kissing techniques. Make love three nights in a row and in three different places!

 Be Romantic: Send or bring flowers home for no reason. Make your partners lunch and include a love note. If you don’t normally cook, light some candles and prepare your partners favourite meal. After dinner, snuggle up on the sofa with a romantic DVD. Take your partner on a picnic and include his or her favourite wine and food. While your lover is in the shower, or bath, put the bath towel in a hot dryer for a few minutes and deliver it in person.

 Be Sexual: Experiment with a new sexual position, sexual aid (toy) or lubricant. Be different, try to please each other during foreplay instead of during intercourse. Try identifying and discussing each other’s sexual fantasies. Take turns trying them out. Buy books, magazines or DVDs with sexual stories that spark your interest. Purchase sexy lingerie. Plan a weekly sex night, and make it a priority.

 Role Play: Remember the fun and excitement of dating? Arrange to meet your partner at a bar or restaurant and pretend you have just met or that this is your first date. Dress to impress. Set aside a date night every week and take turns taking each other out.

 Be Sensual: Turn off the phone to ensure complete privacy with no interruption. Take a bubble bath together. Take turns massaging your partner, without leading to sex or orgasm. Ask your partner to verbalise what he or she enjoys the most.

Additional sources of information: You may find it useful to take a look at the following websites and books:
Websites:

http://www.romantic-tips.com/romanticideas.shtml

http://www.smolderingembers.com/foreplay-techniques.html

http://www.traceycox.com/

Books
 Joy of Sex: The Ultimate Revised Edition. By Alex Comfort. Publisher: Three Rivers Press.
 Supersex for Life. By Tracey Cox. Publisher: Dorling Kindersley Ltd.
 Kama Sutra. By Tracey Cox. Publisher: Dorling Kindersley Ltd.
 52 Ways to Stay in Love Forever. By Lynn Gordon. Publisher: Chronicle Books.
 Never Have the Same Sex Twice: A Guide for Couples. By Alison Tyler. Publisher: Cleis Press Inc.
 The New Art Of Erotic Massage. By A.Yorke & J. Davis. Publisher: Baker & Taylor.

Remember: Make time for just the two of you. Make the activities exciting and try a new activity every week. Have fun!”

*Coulter, K., & Malouff, J. (2013). Effects of an intervention designed to enhance romantic relationship excitement: A randomized-control trial. Journal of Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 2, 34-44.

I am thinking about writing a book on this topic. What other suggestions would you offer a couple?

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Prof of Psychology

I mentioned in a prior post that I am trying to spend less time sitting because sitting is associated with the development of health problems. Lately, I have been standing at work meetings. I first learned of this possibility years ago when I read an article about a group of physicians who stand at meetings for the purpose of keeping meetings short.

Several weeks ago I started standing during parts of meetings. I explained to others my health-related goal in each group. I felt deviant initially, but I gradually habituated to standing and at present I stand throughout almost every meeting. Sometimes others stand also for a short while — that never happened before. Their change in behavior suggests that my model is affecting them in a positive way.

I suspect that psychologically my comments at meetings may now have slightly greater impact simply because the others literally look up to me. Who usually stands at one kind of meeting or another, after all? A teacher, a priest, a coach, a celebrity, a leader.

Although I started gradually out of self-consciousness, the gradual approach may have helped me build the strength needed to stand for long periods. Initially, I often leaned on a wall for partial support. Now I do that less. My personal experiences tell me that standing is a good workout for the body. My longest standing meeting to date lasted three hours on a Friday afternoon.

I am not aware of any negative reactions of others to my standing at meetings, but I would guess there are some because I am doing something not currently in the script for meeting attendees. Oh well.

I have enjoyed standing at meetings, both when I run the meeting and when I am just a member of a group. I am not sure why I enjoy standing. Maybe looking down on others (literally) boosts my self-confidence in some unconcious way. Or it could be that exercise, even of the mild type involved in standing for long periods, elevates mood.

I believe that standing at meetings will become common in the future, mostly for health reasons. Professional will move in this direction first, and others will follow later. Maybe you will join me in the avant-garde and let me know your experiences.

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Prof of Psychology

I am reading a biography of Steven Jobs, written by Walter Isaacson. Jobs and Stephen Wozniak helped create the most valuable company in the history of the world, Apple. There is much to learn by reading about geniuses. One thing I have learned from the start of the book is that with the disadvantage of immaturity, a person can be both a genius on the rise and a fool. While a college student, Wozniak used something I taught about today, shaping, to have fun at the expense of others. He build a device that allowed him to create static on any nearby TV (he was a genius!). Then he would go into the common TV room of a college residential hall and secretly create static. As someone tried to fix the TV, he would sometimes end the static. The a few minutes later he would start the static again and keep it going until the person did something entertaining, such as holding on to the antenna. Then he would end the static, only to start it again soon, this time ending the static only when the person did something more entertaining such as holding the antenna while holding one foot in the air. I can picture him trying hard to keep from laughing his guts out.

Woz may not have known the term shaping, but he grasped the concept. More commonly humans use shaping to teach complicated behaviors like riding a bicycle or speaking a foreign language. We try to obtain gradual improvement by slowly raising the standard for reinforcement (the reward) from some realistic starting point up to where the student learns the behavior at the level desired. Shaping is a large part of how you and I learned to walk and to talk. Consider: A child receives reinforcement for babbling. Then parents raise the standard for praise to saying a work-like sound, such as ma-ma-ma. Then the child has to say a real word to mean something, such as toy for a toy. Eventually the child has to speak clearly enough to communicate desires to get reinforced.

Have you been shaping a complex behavior in someone? Teaching someone a new dance? A new sport?

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Prof of Psychology

A few years ago I co-authored a book titled “Why We Read and How Reading Transforms Us.” I’ll give you here a few of the reasons we read:

1. We read because through reading we live a thousand lives rather than just one. On a recent day I led the life of Hamlet; another day I lived the life of Louis Pasteur. Tomorrow I might be the last of the Mohicans.

2. We read to learn. I recently read how to upload a video to YouTube and then I uploaded a training video for my students. Years ago I read how to help individuals who faint at the sight of blood. I since have helped students, friends, and clients overcome that problem.

3. Reading gives us new and valuable perspectives. For instance, reading has led me to consider myself fortunate that I live in an era without smallpox and in a country that protects human rights.

4. We read for entertainment. Today I laughed out loud reading an excellent book by Bill Bryson, “At Home.” The book describes archeologist Augustus Pitt Rivers as an early proponent of cremation and says he “not only desired cremation for himself but insisted upon for his wife, despite her continued objections. ‘Damn it, woman, you shall burn,’ he declared to her whenever she raised the matter. Pitt Rivers died in 1900 and was cremated, even though it wasn’t yet legal. His wife outlived him, however, and was given the peaceful burial she had always longed for.”

All four reasons point to the same psychological principle operating:  We read because we expect to benefit from reading. This expectation comes from past reinforcement (reward experiences) for reading.

You are reading right now. What leads you to read now and at other times?

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Prof of Psychology

If you consider the top 15 causes of death (I just saw a list for the U.S. — see http://www.worldlifeexpectancy.com/usa-cause-of-death-by-age-and-gender), most of them are substantially related to behavior. The most obvious are suicide and accidents (the ones we cause are under our control). Beyond those, bigger causes of death, including heart disease, stroke, lung disease, and cancer, are commonly caused at least in part by behavior such as smoking, not exercising, and overeating. A health fanatic (take me for example) exercises briskly almost every day, does not smoke or use illicit drugs, and eats healthfully (with minimal or no transfatty acids, sugar, and high glycemic food — such as white bread and white potatoes). My worst health habit may be sitting for long periods, especially at a computer monitor (right now!). Another dangerous thing I do is ride my bike (sometimes on streets with cars). I am working on reducing sitting, but I could do more to remain safe while cycling.

What is your most dangerous health-related behavior? What might you do to reduce the risk?

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Prof of Psychology

I just re-read Tuesdays with Morrie, a terrific non-fiction book about a college teacher who gradually died of Lou Gerhig’s Disease. The book made a point very similar to one made by Frank McCourt in his excellent memoir, Teacher Man, about his days teaching high school: If you want to teach, take opportunites to teach whenever they arise. For instance, Morrie used his march toward death as an opportunity to teach others about both how to live and how to die (they are related!). Frank took his amazement about the creativity students showed in their forged excuse notes (for missing school, etc.) and generated an assignment for students to write an excuse note from Adam and Eve to God. In both cases, the teacher reached outside the usual to grab an opportunity to teach something both important and interesting. That’s creative teaching! But don’t think that only professional teachers can follow the examples of these two, who both became celebrities. Parents teach — so do coaches, work supervisors, religious leaders, and so on.

Yesterday, I taught a group of international students, who need practice in taking notes in a class taught in English. I volunteered in part because I had a secret agenda — I wanted the students, who are making a difficult transition to a new culture and language, to learn more that how to take notes. I wanted them to learn psychological strategies about how to solve problems. So I taught about problem solving strategies. I also wanted to show them effective ways to teach (they may go back to their home countries and teach what they learn). So I pulled out all the stops to interact with them in a friendly way and to present information systematically. I started by pointing out that I was also born outside Australia. In resposne to a student comment (I go them talking, in English!), I managed to fit in information that I consider important about how an hour of exercise, on average, is associated with an extra hour of healthy life. I had 50 mintues with them — I did not waste the opportunity.

I also seized one other teaching opportunity yesterday. I went to play softball with a coed group that included some players who were very good and quite athletic and some who were closer to beginners. When I saw one player throw a ball very hard to another player who was not capable of catching the ball, I suggested that we all consider how hard to throw the ball, even in the heat of game play. I know from my prior experience how easy it is to injure someone by throwing the ball too hard for the person to handle. To my pleasure, our best player then did as I suggested on a close play, got an out, and killed no one. I was not creative in my teaching, but I did seize the opportunity that arose.

What have you taught today? Did you seize an opportunity?

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Prof of Psychology

I just read a research article that asked the question, “How do you learn to walk?” The answer: Thousands of steps and dozens of falls PER DAY! The researchers video-recorded infants and observed their efforts to walk. The results reminded me of a terrific book I read, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s autobiography “Total Recall,” in which he describes how he developed the most muscular body in the world (lots of repetitions), how he learned his lines as an actor (lots of repetitions), and how he learned just about every skill he needed in an incredible career as a body builder, actor, business person, and governor (lots of repetitions).

I also have benefited form lots of practice — as a teacher, a scientist, a tennis player, etc. Frequent practice seems to work best. Lately, I have been learning how to use Moodle, an online learning platform. The more I use the various functions of Moodle, the better I get. I am motivated by a drive to deliver a useful, enjoyable unit. Arnold was driven by his desire to succeed at everything he did. But the desire of infants to walk must be hard to surpass. Think if you tried to do some specific new behavior thousands of times a day — and you kept trying even if you failed time and again. That is the behavior of champions.

What are you learning through relentless practice?

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Prof of Psychology

Aaron Swartz, a computer genius, died a few days ago. Only 26 years old, he did not leave behind any children, but he did leave a legacy of developing RSS and positively affecting many individuals who knew him. RSS stands for Rich Site Summary but is more descriptively expanded to Really Simple Syndication. It is a process whereby a person can receive all updates on a site automatically and immediately. For instance, you can receive notice of every new posting on this blog by clicking on the RSS keys (go ahead — give it a try!). Aaron had a positive impact on others by working tirelessly to expand access to information on the Internet. You can read more about him at a classic information sharing site, wikipedia. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Swartz.

Aaron’s death at age 26 illustrated that it is never too early to contemplate one’s legacy. Tragically, he committed suicide; most people die from physical disease or accidents. I see legacy potentials for me in my children, my impact on students and client, my research findings and related comments, and this blog (!). Maybe I could try a bit harder. I worked on a political cause this year. That could be step in the right direction. I have not made a charitable contribution in many months — that might be something to do today.

Have you thought about your legacy? It could be in your children, your ideas, your effect on others, etc. Setting a specific goal helps a person achieve the goal. What legacy would you like to leave?

John Malouff, PhD, JD
Assoc Prof of Psychology