RU OK? Day – coming up on September 11 – is a powerful national day of action. But as our understanding of mental health matures, how do these important conversations also need to evolve? 

We asked UNE researchers attached to the virtual Manna Institute to provide some practical insights.

“Asking someone if they are okay is a closed question; it doesn’t invite them to tell their story,” says Early Career Researcher Tara Lal.

“It’s so important to follow up ‘Are you okay?’ with an open-ended question that includes some reference to what it is you have noticed. For example, ‘I’ve noticed that you don’t seem like your usual self lately. How are you travelling?’”

Tara said deep listening is an important skill for us all to develop and practice, so we can effectively support someone struggling to “make sense of their own story and reclaim a sense of empowerment and self-efficacy”.

And if the person doesn’t readily accept your offer of help? “You can’t force them, but you can let someone else close to them know that you are concerned,” Tara says. “The most important thing is to maintain the relationship, and keep gently checking in.”

Personal experience has taught Manna researcher Marg Rogers the value of honesty. “Sometimes, you being vulnerable about your own experience can open up opportunities for the other person to share,” she says.

Suicide prevention advocate and Lived and Living Experience representative on Manna’s Strategic Group Michael Elwan says RUOK? Day can undoubtedly spark life-changing conversations.

“It normalises checking in on others and chips away at the stigma; it’s about planting seeds of connection that might prevent someone from feeling utterly alone in their darkest moments,” he says.

Longer-term, the person asking RU OK? might regularly check-in and encourage the individual to strengthen their support networks. “I’ve seen how these actions create a safety net that turns a one-off chat into lasting change,” Michael said.

“I’ve also come to appreciate how crucial it is to view RU OK? through a cultural lens. It’s important to foster connections that respect cultural and linguistic diversity and a sense of belonging … conversations that build trust and make ongoing support possible.”

For further information and to find a wealth of conversational resources, go to https://www.ruok.org.au/how-to-ask