Paths to happiness

by | Aug 4, 2011 | Uncategorized | 3 comments

Positive psychology is hot now in research and in the broader culture. One of the goals of positive psychology is to help individuals feel happy. I have been reading “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama.  He suggests having compassion for others and accepting that our lives will involve suffering as methods of achieving happiness.  I like those ideas; also, I have found that it helps to do things I enjoy, including helping others.  I recently received a message from a student, Kimberley Coulter, stating how she keeps happy.  Here is what Kimberley wrote:

“Here are some of the ways that I try to create and experience happiness:

1. Initiate kindness, but don’t expect anything in return.

2. When I feel sad I go for a walk (with my dog Lilly). I try to focus on my surroundings — sights, sounds and smells. Usually a positive strategy, but not if another dog tries to bite Lilly!

3. No one is happy all the time. I allow myself a certain period of time to think of the negatives, but then move on.

4. I try to seek the bright side of most situations.

5. Count my blessings (my grandmother’s favourite — obvious, but works).

6. I try to take responsibility for my own actions

7. I try to focus ahead,and not dwell on mistakes. We all make them, but it is what we do about them that counts. Past mistakes are building blocks that help me become a better person.

8. Achieve goals (I’m trying!) and keep learning.

9. Keep connected. — spend time with people I love and who love me.

10. Dare to step outside what is old and safe — take a risk and try something new.  May work — might not, but still worth trying.

11. Laugh.

12. Reflect and write in my journal.

I like to think that we all have unlimited positive potential (ever the optimist!).  One of my favourite quotes, from Buddha,  is:  ‘Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.'”

What methods have you found that  increase your happiness?

John Malouff, PhD, JD, Associate Professor of Psychology

3 Comments

  1. Hi John, Hi Kimberley,

    I have read this book and it is very wise. I agree with the things that Kimberley has said – I take my dog (Charlotte, Puppy, Puppita, she has many names) walking every day and this is very grounding for me. Not much bothers her and she is so very happy and loves my company! Being in nature is very grounding for me. One thing I would like to add to Kimberley’s points – if I’m feeling toxic, I absolutely DON’T contact the person I’m feeling toxic about. I wait, and wait, and wait. It makes a big difference as to how I behave. The Dalai Lama says that wrong thinking (wrong perceptions) is the cause of much of our suffering – during my wait, I look at my thinking (good cognitive practice!)and try to see another or many other perceptions, this must ALWAYS involve compassion for the person with whom I’m feeling toxic.
    Just sitting with it, and my thinking usually changes.
    Marion

  2. Buddhism and psychology have a lot in common with each other — in fact, you could argue that Buddhism was in many ways an early form of psychology. Another philosophy with a lot in common with both is Stoicism, which you can find a good introduction to in Marcus Aurelius’s “Meditations“.

    I find I am happiest when I maintain a balance between the different aspects of my life: physical and mental activity, doing complex and simple tasks, doing things for myself and doing things for others, socialising and spending time by myself or with my family, between spiritual and material concerns. This approach to life was recommended by Buddha with his “middle path” and Aristotle with his “golden mean”. I wonder what psychology has to say on the topic of moderation and happiness?

  3. Hi MS and Leon. Your comment, MS, reminds me of urge surfing, the procedure of waiting 30 minutes or so when one feels a strong urge to engage in an unhealthful behaviour, such as using an addictive substance. I like the idea of shifting perspective during the wait. Leon, Marcus Aurelius is one of my heroes. Your concept of balance in life is Eastern and Western; developing a balance in life is one of the important methods of preventing relapse in individuals who have stopped using an addictive substance. Why do all my thoughts today relate to treatment for substance abuse? Perhaps because many individuals turn to substances to either seek happiness or to avoid despair. The substances often achieve the goal in the short turn. Over a longer period, substances don’t bring happiness. Would anyone disagree?

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